Sports Night
Episode 

JEREMY-It was one night.  It was tennis.
NATALIE-It was the only night we had the same night off together for like two weeks.
JEREMY- We're together every night anyways.
NATALIE-At midnight!  We go back to my place or we go back to your place.  We have a lot of sex.  We watch "The 2 AM Wrap-Up".  We go to sleep.  We come to work.  What kind of a relationship is that?
JEREMY- It's working out pretty well for me.  It was a joke!  I made a joke!  I like to make you laugh.  Why? Because I like you very much.
NATALIE-Jeremy, it wasn't the greatest joke I've ever heard.  
JEREMY- I never said I was opening for Jack Benny.
NATALIE- You meant Henny Youngman.
JEREMY- I meant Jack Benny.
NATALIE- Jack Benny plays the clarinet.
JEREMY- Jack Benny plays the violin.  For that matter, so does Henny Youngman.  But you're thinking of Benny Goodman.
NATALIE- Do you really always have to be right?
JEREMY- No.
NATALIE-Then why are you still talking?
JEREMY- Cause I am right.
NATALIE- Could have guessed.  
JEREMY- Hey if we're gonna fight, can it not be about Henny Youngman?
NATALIE- We're not fighting about Henny Youngman.  We're fighting because instead of going to the movies with me, you decided to play tennis with Judy Rootie-tootie.
JEREMY- You guys getting all this?
CASEY- You know someone named Judy Rootie-tootie?
JEREMY- Judy Reston-Taylor.
CASEY- The actress?
JEREMY- We went to school together.
CASEY- I hear she's great in that new thing.
NATALIE- Thank you Siskel and Ebert!
JEREMY- Natalie!
CASEY- Hey, we're playing poker in the conference room. You guys in?
JEREMY-Natalie and I can't play. It's important we spend these precious moments together. 
NATALIE- Oh, there'll be no precious moments tonight, darling. You know what I mean?
JEREMY-I think I do.
NATALIE- No precious moments of any kind.
JEREMY- I understand.
NATALIE- If, however, your arrogance extends to thinking you're a better poker player than I am, you are welcome to join me at the card table so that I can wipe that smug smile off your face and teach you a lesson you so richly deserve.  
JEREMY- Natalie, do you even know how to play poker?
NATALIE- The guys at Sigma Kappa Pi let me play in their poker game anytime I wanted.  Now why do you suppose that was?
JEREMY- Because you're a knockout and your parents are loaded?
NATALIE- Cause I got game, baby.
JEREMY- Have you fallen on your head?
NATALIE- Or are you just afraid I might humiliate you and you won't be able to go to Sundance with Judy the ho?
JEREMY- I tell you, Casey, it appears some time has freed up in my schedule, and I just might be able to play cards with you after all.  
NATALIE- Rack 'em up, Casey.
JEREMY- That's pool, you mental patient!  It's gonna be a fun night.
CASEY- Oh  yeah...
[POKER GAME]
NATALIE- Why can't I win a hand?
JEREMY- It's because you're not a very good poker player.
NATALIE- That's not why.
JEREMY- It really is.
NATALIE- Or is it just possible that you're sitting in the good chair?!
JEREMY- No. What is possible is that the boys from Sigma Kappa Pi are a big honking bunch of losers!
CASEY- Last card.  Jeremy, ace bets.
JEREMY-$50.
CASEY- Fold.
NATALIE- Raise fifty.
JEREMY- Natalie.  
NATALIE- I've raised you fifty.
JEREMY- Natalie listen to me.  You've lost a lot of money to me tonight.  You're basically gonna be living the rest of your life on a charitable grant from the Jeremy Goodwin foundation.  Take the 100 bucks back and fold.  
NATALIE- Scared?
JEREMY-I've got a straight. You've got three 7's.  
NATALIE- You don't have a straight.
JEREMY- Look at me.  I'm not lying to you.  I have a straight.  
NATALIE- How do you know I don't have a big house?  
JEREMY- A full house.  Dan already folded the 6 you needed, and I have the other one.  You don't have a house of any sort.  You don't have a pup tent.  You've got trip 7's and I have a straight.  I want you to trust me right now.  I want you to say to yourself "Yeah, I've dated a string of jerks in my life.  They were stupid, they were mean to me, but maybe this one's different.  Maybe I should take a chance and not adopt the 'Break up with him before he breaks my heart strategy."  I want you to remember that when I started liking you, I didn't stop liking tennis, and I want you to know that I don't think there's a woman in the world that you need to be threatened by, no matter how glamorous you think she is.  But mostly I want you to trust me just once when I tell you that you have three 7's...and I have a straight.
NATALIE- You're bluffing so hard it's coming out of your ears.
CASEY- Call.
NATALIE- Three 7's.
JEREMY- 6, 7, 8, 9 and guess what--5.
NATALIE- I don't deserve you.
JEREMY- No, you really don't. 
NATALIE- I'm sorry.
JEREMY-I don't think you are.
NATALIE- No, I really am.
JEREMY-This is gonna take some time.
NATALIE- Maybe you could take me back to your apartment and I can accelerate the healing process.
JEREMY-No, I don't think so Natalie.  I don't think you should be rewarded for your behavior.  Natalie, I think it's best if we spend tonight apart.  
NATALIE- You're probably right.  I've got no clothes at your place anyway, so I'd just end up having to wear one of your shirts, and I know how much you hate that.
JEREMY-(to the room) I was never even in it!
NATALIE- Good night, everybody.  
JEREMY- Good night!